When the same argument keeps coming back

Sometimes it’s a tsunami. Sometimes it’s the small, everyday rumblings, or days that turn into weeks of niggling and defensiveness. No warmth. No repair. And in the middle of it all, it’s hard to see a way out, let alone a way forward.

Couples therapy is a place to step back from the fight and look at the pattern underneath it, together.

Couples I work with

Couples who keep having the same argument, or who feel distant or lonely together

Couples going through a crisis, such as an affair coming to light, a loss, or a major change

Couples who want to reconnect after years of being busy parents, co-workers or housemates

Couples unsure whether to stay together, and couples who want to separate with more respect and less damage

Same-sex and LGBTQIA+ couples, and couples where one or both partners are neurodivergent

You don’t need to be in crisis to come.

How I work

I work with Relational Life Therapy™, a warm, direct and practical approach developed by American family therapist Terry Real. I’m not a neutral referee. I’ll be honest with each of you, including about the things that are hard to hear, and I’m on the side of your relationship and of each of you.

Trauma-informed care

I’m a trauma-informed practitioner. In RLT, we recognise that painful experiences in the families we grew up in are often at the root of relationship difficulties. RLT isn’t a trauma therapy as such. It explores how those early experiences show up in your relationships now, so you can understand them and respond differently. Being trauma-informed means I pace the work with care, and I can recognise when deeper trauma work is needed.

What to expect

Fifteen minutes to tell me a little about what’s happening, ask questions and see whether we’re a good fit.

The first one or two sessions are about understanding what’s happening between you. I may also see each of you on your own during this stage, which is a normal part of couples work and includes checking on safety.

Couples sessions are usually 90 minutes, fortnightly. That gives you time to put the work into practice in everyday life.

If you’ve agreed to AI-assisted notes, you’ll receive a written summary after each session: what we noticed, what each of you is working on, and sometimes something to practise before we next meet.

Intensives

Intensives range from a two-hour session to a full day. They give you time to go deeper than a regular session allows, and can be a good way to start, or to build momentum later in the work. We can talk about whether an intensive suits you in your introductory call.

Where

In person in St Kilda, Melbourne, and in the Macedon Ranges, and online.

When other things need attention first

Some things need to be addressed before couples therapy can work well. In RLT, we call these preconditions.

They include:

  • active addiction, such as to alcohol or drugs
  • a mental health condition that isn’t being treated
  • an ongoing affair

If one of these applies, couples therapy may need to wait until it’s being treated or addressed. You won’t be on your own with it. I can help you find the right support, and we can agree together on when couples work can begin.

If there is family violence or coercive control, or you feel afraid of your partner, couples therapy isn’t safe or appropriate. I can help you find the right support.

If you’re in immediate danger call 000 For confidential support call 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) 24 hours a day.

Ready to talk?

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