In RLT, being relational means staying connected to yourself and to the other person at the same time, even when things are hard. It rests on three things:

• Accountability: owning your part, without blaming or collapsing into shame.
• Empathy: making real room for the other person’s experience, even when it differs from yours.
• Vulnerability: letting yourself be known, including what you feel and what you need.

It’s a daily practice, not a personality trait, and it can be learnt at any age.

Being relational isn’t:

• Keeping the peace at any cost. It includes standing up for yourself, with respect.
• Being nice, or making grand gestures, while the same pattern carries on.
• Splitting the blame 50/50. Not every problem is shared equally, and each person works on their own part.
• Losing yourself to stay close. The aim is two equals, neither above nor below the other.
• Only about couples. It’s how we are with partners, children, family, friends and colleagues.