FAQ’s
Qualifications and approach
Relational Life Therapy™ certification is awarded by the Relational Life Institute, the training body founded by Terry Real. The Institute lists three levels:
- Certified: 80+ hours of coursework in the model.
- Certified +: 80+ hours of coursework, plus an assessed review of real therapy work.
- Certified ++ (Advanced Certification): 80+ hours of coursework, 60+ hours of live, small-group training, and assessment of real therapy work.
I hold RLT Certified Couples Therapist ++, the Institute’s advanced level. You can check any practitioner’s certification in the Institute’s online directory. [Link: RLI practitioner directory] https://directory.relationallife.com/
You may also see “RLT-trained”. That usually means someone has studied the courses, without the live training and assessment that certification involves.
Both are certified by the Relational Life Institute in the same model, and both can hold the + and ++ levels. The difference is what they’re qualified to do.
- RLT Relational Coaches focus on practical relationship skills, communication and patterns of behaviour. Coaches aren’t licensed health professionals, so they don’t diagnose or treat mental health conditions, and their training doesn’t include RLT’s deeper trauma work.
- RLT Couples Therapists complete the full RLT training, including its clinical and trauma methods, and can work with mental health concerns as well as relationship skills. The Institute now requires anyone training to the therapist ++ level to hold a professional licence, such as psychologists registered with Ahpra and Accredited Mental Health Social Workers.
I’m a registered psychologist, so I can assess, diagnose and treat mental health concerns alongside the relationship work.
In RLT, being relational means staying connected to yourself and to the other person at the same time, even when things are hard. It rests on three things:
- Accountability: owning your part, without blaming or collapsing into shame.
- Empathy: making real room for the other person’s experience, even when it differs from yours.
- Vulnerability: letting yourself be known, including what you feel and what you need.
It’s a daily practice, not a personality trait, and it can be learnt at any age.
Being relational isn’t:
- Keeping the peace at any cost. It includes standing up for yourself, with respect.
- Being nice, or making grand gestures, while the same pattern carries on.
- Splitting the blame 50/50. Not every problem is shared equally, and each person works on their own part.
- Losing yourself to stay close. The aim is two equals, neither above nor below the other.
- Only about couples. It’s how we are with partners, children, family, friends and colleagues.
Getting started
I’ll offer you a free 15-minute introductory call. It’s your chance to tell me a little about what’s happening, ask questions, and see whether we’re a good fit. There’s no obligation.
Yes. Many people start on their own. RLT works with individuals as well as couples, and changing your own part in the pattern can shift the whole relationship. If your partner decides to join later, we can talk about how best to include them.
If you keep having the same argument, feel distant or lonely together, or are worried about where things are heading, it’s worth a conversation. You don’t need to be in crisis to come.
- Psychiatrists are medical doctors who specialise in mental health. They diagnose and treat mental illness, can prescribe medication, and some also offer talking therapy.
- Psychologists have at least six years of university study and supervised training, and must be registered with the Psychology Board of Australia through AHPRA to use the title. They assess and treat a wide range of concerns using talking therapies, and don’t prescribe medication.
- Psychotherapists and counsellors offer talking therapy too. Training varies, from diplomas to postgraduate degrees. These professions are self-regulated rather than government-regulated.
I’m a registered psychologist and RLT Certified Couples Therapist ++.
I can’t promise an outcome, but I can help you both see the pattern clearly and understand what each of you need to do differently. Some couples use therapy to reconnect; others use it to separate with more respect and less damage.
Who I work with
Yes. My focus is on supporting relationships, and that includes parents and children, siblings and other family relationships.
Yes. My practice is LGBTQIA+ affirming, and I work with couples and families of all kinds.
Yes. I work with neurodivergent individuals and couples. Differences in how each of you think, communicate and take in the world can shape the pattern between you, and they deserve understanding, not blame.
I’m happy to adapt how we work, for example by slowing the pace, taking breaks, being clear and direct, drawing the pattern out visually, and giving you a written summary after each session. Just let me know what helps.
If you have children, they’re always, in a sense, sitting on the couch with us. RLT is about relationships, and it looks at the whole family, not just the two of you.
We can talk about it. If I think it would help, yes. There are times when having a therapist support major repair between parents and children can be extremely helpful.
About Relational Life Therapy
RLT was developed by American family therapist Terry Real. It’s warm, direct and practical. Rather than getting stuck on the wallpaper, it goes into the foundations: the pattern between you, where it came from, and what a different move would look like.
Your therapist is not a neutral referee. I’ll tell you what I see, including things that may be hard to hear, and I’m on both your sides. The focus is on each person owning their part and practising something different, not only talking about what’s wrong.
Not with one person against the other. We take the side of the relationship, and of whichever part of each of you is working towards it.
RLT is often described in three stages, although in practice we move back and forth between them.
- Stage 1: Understanding and reconnecting. We gather information to map the pattern between you, agree on what’s happening, and agree on what we’ll work on together. This usually takes one to two sessions. It can take a little longer if there’s a crisis, if one or both of you are neurodivergent, or if we decide an individual session with each of you is needed.
- Stage 2: Working with old adaptations. We look at the protective habits each of you learned early in life, tend to the hurt underneath them, and practise pausing and choosing a different response. The aim is for both of you to notice when you’re reacting and move to responding: in RLT language, moving from first consciousness to second consciousness. This often takes 4 to 10 sessions, depending on your situation and the practice you put in between sessions. To support the work, we often recommend Terry Real’s audio program ‘Fierce Intimacy: Standing Up to One Another with Love’, or his books ‘The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Know to Make Love Work’ and ‘Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship’.
- Stage 3: Skills and ongoing practice. We build and practise the skills that keep change going in everyday life. RLT calls these the five winning strategies: advocating for yourself, speaking to make things better, listening to understand, responding with generosity, and cherishing what you have. Towards the end of this stage, sessions often move to monthly.
Every couple is different, so these timeframes are a guide, not a promise. Early on, we agree what we’re working on and for roughly how long, and we check in regularly to see whether it still fits.
Sessions
Couples sessions are usually 90 minutes, fortnightly, unless we’ve agreed on longer sessions. Individual sessions are 60 minutes.
Relational Life Therapy starts with gathering information to map the pattern in your relationship. This usually takes one or two sessions. During this stage I may ask to see you individually, which also gives me a chance to check on safety.
Yes. Intensives range from a two-hour session to a full day: two sessions of 2.5 hours with a lunch break in between. This gives time to go deeper than a regular session allows. We can talk about whether an intensive suits you during your introductory call. Later in the work, an intensive can also help build momentum.
Many couples find online sessions work well, especially with busy lives or long distances. All you need is a private space and a reliable connection. I’ll send you some tips for setting up: ideally sitting together on a couch, with the screen on a coffee table, raised to eye height. While nothing quite matches being in the same room, I’ve worked online for a long time and I’m very comfortable with it. Most of the time the screen seems to disappear, and we’re working in a deep, relational way.
If you’ve agreed to AI-assisted notes, you’ll receive a written summary after each session that reflects our work together: what we noticed, what each of you is working on, and sometimes something to practise or notice before we next meet.
Privacy and safety
Yes, within the legal and ethical limits that apply to all psychologists. For example, I have a duty to act if someone’s safety is at serious risk.
No. If you ask me to keep something between us, I will. Individual sessions are a normal part of couples work in Relational Life Therapy, and knowing the full picture helps me help you both.
Some things, though, such as an ongoing affair, can make it hard for couples therapy to go ahead fairly. If that happens, I’ll talk it through with you. We may agree on a short period (usually no more than a month) for the issue to be resolved or brought into the open. If that isn’t possible, I may recommend pausing couples therapy, and we’ll agree together how that is explained to your partner.
The usual legal limits of confidentiality still apply. As a psychologist, I have legal obligations to act, and in some cases to report, where someone is at serious risk of harm, including a child.
Yes, with your consent. I use a secure AI-assisted tool that helps me give you a clear, easy-to-read summary of each session. If you’d rather I didn’t use AI, that’s fine, but I won’t be able to provide the written summaries.
Not as a starting point. If there is family violence or coercive control, or you feel afraid of your partner, couples therapy isn’t safe or appropriate. I can help you find the right support. If you’re in immediate danger, call 000. For confidential support, call 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732), 24 hours a day.
Fees and rebates
Fees are listed on the Booking & Fees page
If you’re seeing me as an individual client with a referral from your GP under a Mental Health Treatment Plan, you may be eligible for a Medicare rebate. Medicare doesn’t cover couples therapy, but your private health extras cover may. Check with your fund.
Unless otherwise agreed, sessions cancelled within 3 business days of the appointment incur a 50% late cancellation fee. Sessions cancelled the day before or on the day, including no-shows, are charged in full. There’s no cancellation fee for family illness or an emergency.
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